Pressing Onward

Most evenings or early mornings, when my sleepy head finally hits my pink pillow, I sigh and the last words from my lips are a prayer that God will redeem time that was lost today.  Now, this is not out of a feeling of failure (on most days!), but rather for me, it is a cry of my heart to rely solely on the power God holds to transform my family.

I cannot do it all or have it all.  Yes, I said it out loud.  I cannot do it all or have it all.  My day is full of choices and when I make one choice, I leave behind the other.  Philippians 3:13-14, "One thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining forward toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Although, I am fully aware of the magnificent grace and mercy of God to allow us second chances in life, I am always teaching by young men that they have ONE chance to do it right and do it well.  My prayer is to instill in them the mindset to always put their best foot forward in all they do.  After all, it is for God they work and not men. God isn't looking for the fancy, but rather for the faithful.

Today is a special gift all in its own right.  I will not get a do-over and no other day will be like today.  So I wake up in prayer before my feet hit the floor, crying out to God for the wisdom and patience I will need to maneuver through the elusive "to-do" list.  I must be in sync with His leading voice, so I can walk in the way He has prepared for us.  Time can be redeemed by His power, however, I would like to be found faithful to the call the first time. 

As a I watch my boys write a paper and fill it with sentences that leave much to be desired, I learn that the process is part of the journey.  The process is important to work out all the kinks. They love the sentence because it's hilarious, not because it is the most well-written. But then, as I help them choose better words and format, it develops into a well written and hilarious sentence.  And my eyes are a little clearer to see that I too am not always in the best form, but as I bend my will to His, He fills in the gaps and allows me to be at my best for them, through Him.

As I move through my day, I can forget what is behind me and continue pressing forward to the ultimate goal.  I can find successes in day 13,590 of this marathon I am running. I can keep pressing forward toward the goal. 

Perhaps my prayer at the start of each day should also be.... "Oh Father, redeem me in today's process and journey."

Good Intentions

A Wise Woman Builds Her House....

Well, it appears that I am in the habit of posting once a year, around this time!  I always seem to have "good intentions" of blogging more and getting back in the groove, however life enters and here I am one year later.

I came across the above FB page and Proverbs 14:1, just happens to be one of my favorite verses..."The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands."

Now again, we are here at the idea of intentions.  None of us wakes up in the morning and purposely intends to tear down our own house. I love that this verse speaks to the inner, hidden part of me~ my heart.  God knows my heart and He sees my thoughts and knows if I am intentionally aligning them with Him or if I am haphazardly going through my day on my own "good intentions."

"For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart." Matthew 12:34b

I didn't intend to speak quite so harshly.  I didn't intend to anwser e-mails for that long.  I didn't intend to get caught up in the phone conversation for 45 mins.  I didn't intend to forget to take out the meat and now have to pick up something quick for supper on our way there.  

 Please don't hear me saying that occasionally we forget or some things must temporarily take priority over others.  I am trying to communicate the importance of being intentional with my intentions and aligning them with God's purpose for me each day.  He has been incredibly gracious in giving me a husband and three sons to care for, serve and love each day.  In this calling,  I long to do well and glorify God. Therefore, I must be checking my heart and what motivates me.  I should be finding my love for God at the top of the list, along with my desire to serve and love my precious family.

We are a busy people, filling up our lives with nearly anything that comes knocking on the door.  I think about women of the early 1900's and how much they were required to do in order to just simply provide the daily needs for their families.  I also think about how they did not have near as many distractions.  They did not have blogs, FB, Pinterest, twitter, Bunko club, shopping, the fitness club,  etc...

They woke up with the purpose of meeting the needs of their family.  In Genesis 2:18 God says, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." Survival in that day kept them from being distracted by self-fulfilling enjoyments.  I am assuming that each woman fully walking in the will of God was fulfilled by living out her God-given purpose of meeting the needs of her family. Of being that suitable helpmate...

I am convinced that I too will be fulfilled in living out the purpose God has called me to in serving my family with the right intentions. The intention of building my house, and not tearing it down. The intention of building up the lives of those in my home, rather than tearing them down. There are noble callings that God gives each of us that may call us out of our home, but I know in my heart that my husband, children and home come first.  Ministry can happen with my home as the hub, making my ministry linear and not a list that leaves no time at the end to serve others.  All of my life is a ministry and my home is the place in which I start and finish each day, so I long to give my best there and not my leftovers.

Isn't it tempting to give others the best and then rest on the "grace" my family offers when I give them the tired, worn-out, spread thin rest of me?  Isn't it easy to want to give the right impression to others and rest in knowing that my family loves me no matter what?  Since, my family and my home are good gifts from God, I am certain that He longs for me to give my best there also.

Too much in the world tells me to empower myself and seek out what makes me happy and fulfilled.  The job of telling me what I need to do with my time and resources belongs to God alone. Married, single, divorced, widowed, a mother, an aunt, a sister~ each of us has a "home" in which we can build and invest.  May each of us be careful to live wisely and find our fulfillment in Christ alone. I pray that building your house will be enough to fill your cup!

Collision

There are moments in life that feel like a collision.  One of those ran a red light, came out of nowhere kind of collisions.  It hits, but instead of sitting still in the silence that follows after a real-life car collision, you keep moving at a pace that doesn't seem to fit. Nothing seems to slow down. 

The collision itself should have taken you out for a bit.  It shook you and it hurts.  When you actually have a little time to think about it, the tears begin to fall.  It's real and raw, but somehow you keep finding the strength to put one foot in front of the other.

You lie in bed as the sun begins to awaken all that fills this side of the earth and you see the orange and pink rays.  You smile, thinking about the beauty created in these mere seconds before the sun completely reveals itself.  All of its glory reflecting The One who deserves all the glory.

A heaviness weighs on you in these moments of the morning.  One that feels as though it will keep you from even getting your feet to hit the ground.  The warmth and safety of the blankets seem better, maybe even easier, than what may be waiting for you through-out the day.  You linger.  You wait.  Wait to see if maybe this day can just pass on by without you.

As you close your eyes you remind yourself that actually staying in the darkness cannot be an option.  The light, THE ONE TRUE LIGHT begins to shine into the crevasse of your heart and you begin to choose the way of life.  Your heart gently says to your mind, "HIS mercies are new every morning. Great is HIS faithfulness."  

But you cry to Him, that it feels like HIS faithfulness to you is running thin.  Although, you know that is not true.  The very breath you exhale is a gift. A "just for today" kind of gift.  

Life.  It is an on-going series of collisions.  Emotions, experiences, circumstances, people, trials, questions, joys, pain.  They all collide at different moments, but you keep moving forward.  Honestly, at times this movement is beyond your own comprehension, but deep in your soul you know you move because HE is making it possible.  In and through you.  Despite you.  

The hardest part comes in the choosing.  Not so much because you don't want to choose, but just because choosing the right way seems really hard some days.  It seems that the mundane of every day life or the overwhelming reality of the trial wins at that moment.  That collision of truth and reality.  The grace of the Father and the harshness of the world.  
  
But soon you're on your feet and engaged in life, moving forward.  And HE, the ONE is engaged in every detail of your life.  He sustains when the collision takes place.  That's how you choose and how you keep moving forward.  How you find the joy and hope in breaking through the heaviness.   

You know that this too will shape you and sanctify you and it will be worth it.  You also know that it is hard and real and requires of you a choice. A trusting kind of choice in His will over yours.  

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, 

That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.  Psalm 30:11-12

 

    

Mumble-Jumble

We have all had those days where many decisions of motherhood seem to be difficult and soon we get near the end of our day feeling ready for God's mercies to be new the next morning! Our hearts cry out to God to redeem lost time and use the mumble-jumble of our day to somehow lead our children to Him. Our gratefulness lies in the fact that God does the heart work. We know the day was not a complete waste, but we are eager for a new dawn to arrive.

Yesterday was one of those days for me. I am struggling with not feeling well as well as being emotionally and physically tired. Easy ways for me to be distracted from doing my job well as a mama. Clinging to my ROCK and Tower of Strength is an absolute! Yet, I still feel somehow that I am cheating my boys of getting the best of me. I have to remember my ability lies in God's power at work in and through me, not in my own physical & emotional strength or lack thereof.

Last night I had somewhere to be for about an hour and my oldest wanted to come along. As we were riding in the car he said, "Mama, do you know what I thought today?" "I thought every time you did something for me or helped me, my heart smiled and I thought You are the best mama I have ever seen anywhere in the whole world!"

So, even my mumble-jumbled day was time well spent and God was faithful to be in the business of heart work. The sweet words of my son, an encouragement for my heart.... Every day spent serving Him by investing in their lives is worth it!

Looking Back....

I was spending some time talking with God about things filling my heart right now in this season of life and He reminded me of my college exit interview. Nothing formal, just the idea of a creative person at my school (Sterling College). He asked us about why we came to SC and what our goals where when we entered in comparison to where we were then at graduation. I went back to look at the interview and was so encouraged about how our God never changes and He is so faithful! So, here is the interview article by Ed Lowry:

Who God Wants Her to Be

"I was independent. I came to college secure in who I was because I grew up fast in high school, but I was still searching for something. I came to college looking at it as a journey and an adventure. I was determined to find who I was in this world and who God wanted me to be in relationship to what was in my heart. I really wanted to be informed by Him and follow His lead."

Melissa Sylvester is a woman of strength, poise and character. She possesses a firm desire to work with children and to help them be the people God would have them be.

"I have a strong passion for children to believe in who they are and become their own person. And women, I have a strong passion that they know whom they are and are comfortable knowing whom God has created them to be."

Melissa knows whom she is in Christ and what she wants to do with her life.

"I want to be a wife and a mother. I have always had a desire to do that. Having a 'career' has never really appealed to me that much. Being a mom and wife is a full-time job. Being a parent you can learn so much from your children while you teach them as well. I think it is the most significant thing you can do."

Melissa experieced two important events that prepared her to meet her goals and showed her God's plan for her life. The first was deciding on a major.

"I came to college going into Music Therapy for autistic children. Then I left to go to photography school in Santa Barbara. I came back to Sterling and struggled for a semester. God was simply saying to do what I loved. I had never thought of that, so I ended up with a Bachelors in Art and a minor in music."

God showed Melissa how that could be incorporated into her goals and dreams of being a wife and a mother. The next significant step was the revelation that one life-long goal was going to happen sooner than she expected.

"The other moment was realizing that Wesley was the one God has intended for me to marry. I never would have thought I would be married out of college. I had lots of plans and was going to Italy for art school. Things were not really working out and I couldn't understand. God was very real and revealing to me at that time."

In both events she really did find more peace in knowing who she was and who God wants her to be, just as she had hoped.

"The most significant thing I've learned in college is to follow God's will, He will lead. Even if you don't always understand it. It is beautiful when it comes.

I look back at this interview and marvel at how God works in our lives. That interview took place about 10 years ago! I praise Him for giving me that peaceable sense of security in knowing I am His child. I am grateful that His will is best for me and I can trust it. Looking back at how God has been faithful in our lives helps us to remember that He will continue to do so.

How has God been good to you? What time in your life can you stop and look back at to see His merciful hand at work on your behalf? Stop today and take some time to say "Thank you God for being oh so faithful to me."

Moments of Joy

For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him. You have done foolishly in this, for from now on you will have wars. 2 Chronicles 16:9

Last night my husband and I sat down to evaluate the state of our life: marriage, family, child training, etc... We do this in anticipation of the new year coming and see what has happened over the past year. We decided this year we would start by deciding what we value. Then we will define the value, find a verse to see what God says and set our goals accordingly. This process came from a lady at our church who taught a wonderful class on decision making about a month ago.

Here is an example of what we are doing:

Value: children
Definition: descendant; offspring; gift of the Lord
Verses: Psalm 127:3 Behold, children are a gift of the Lord.
3 John 1:4 I have no greater joy then to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
Goals: treat our children as precious gifts, handling them with much care and wisdom
training them in the righteousness of the Lord
sharing the gospel consistently with them
seeking the Lord's wisdom for the bend of each child, since they are a gift from Him

Now, that I have started with this I realize this can be another post all it's own. :) More on this as we develop this process~

For the heart of this post, I want to share this thought...

As we sat there talking and looking up scripture, I was struck by the fact that at that very moment, God was having to witness someone, somewhere cheating on a spouse, aborting a baby, stealing, practicing immorality, the list of actions with evil intent goes on and on.

But, here we were~imperfect and inadequate~taking time out to see what God says about what our lives should look like. And I thought, WOW! How precious is it to God to look into our lives and see us being faithful. How much joy does this moment bring Him? I thought to myself, He must be able to just take a deep breath and say, "Thank you my child for doing what matters most." Doing what matters most to God brings great joy to His heart.

I am not special or great because I took that moment out to go to God's word. This is what I should be doing with my time. How many times during the day, amidst all the junk He is having to witness, am I bringing Him joy? In those moments is He pleased with what He sees me doing?

OH! I pray that I will find myself working hard to make the heart of my Heavenly Father happy. I want to be one of His children that causes Him to smile, because I am doing what matters most to Him.